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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599552">Death &amp; Taxes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheridon63/pseuds/sheridon63'>sheridon63</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shameless (US)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Panic, Trust Issues, mentions of bi-polar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:47:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheridon63/pseuds/sheridon63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers his eyes all glossy and blue. Those eyes looking at him in their cramped twin bed after coming home from the hosptial. Glossy eyes that looked at him, while fingers digged into his jacket. Eye’s peering up at him from his chest in the darkness of a prison cell. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Death &amp; Taxes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello here is a collection of one shots inspired by "Death &amp; Taxes." Some of the lyrics reminded me of Ian and Mickey. While there is not a coherent plot there is a kind of theme. I feel like there are a lot of unresolved issues about their relationship and the shameless kind of hinted at them in season ten but it wasn't really developed so this is my take at it. Be mindful of the tags!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>It's funny how heaven and hell are the same. </b>
</p><p>If anyone saw him with Mickey, he knows exactly what they would say. They would say that he’s dirty and he smells. They would ask how could anyone come near him. Well, Ian likes that smell. He hates being apart more than anything, so the question on coming near him is about the stupidest thing he’s ever heard.  You can’t explain pheromones right?  Also, that might have been true a year ago but contrary to popular belief Mickey knows how to use soap. </p><p>Ian thinks about him all the time. When he’s eating slim jims he thinks he should pick up an extra one and bring it to Mickey that night. When he’s picking a movie to watch, he always goes for the one that Mickey would choose. At night, it’s “I wonder if Mickey slept okay.” He is utterly consumed. </p><p>And he knows, if anyone saw him with Mickey, no one would say anything about how beautiful Mickey’s eyes are. He’s almost glad. That’s something reserved just for him. He selfishly hopes that he’s the only person who’s seen Mickey’s eyes sparkle in the moonlight, his big smile as he approaches Ian from across the dugouts or the way his crinkle when he laughs. All of those things were Ian’s favorite. </p><p>He wants to spend all of his time with him. He gets tired of staring at the ceiling waiting for some form of communication, flinching every time his phone buzzes. So he decides to text him that he wants to see him. But all he gets is a shady meetup spot late at night. He smiles down at his phone happy that he gets to see him. Yet he can’t help but feeling a sort of emptiness.  Ian wants to know what he’s like around his friends. (Although he doesn’t know who Mickey’s friends are he only ever talks about his brothers and he’s never seen him around anyone else.) He wants to see him in the morning when he just woke up all grumpy and disheveled. What does Mickey want for himself? He doesn’t even know. </p><p>It’s this sort of anguish where everything he wants is just barely out of his reach and he doesn’t know what to do about it. There was like a whole year of watching different men slink out of Fiona’s room and he could never understand. Why did she want that? Didn't she want someone to tell her secrets to, someone who would tell her all their secrets. Someone that she didn’t have to guess how they liked their eggs in the morning. Someone she can trust. As he grew he understood that, that might not be what Fiona wants but it’s what he wants. And now he knows he wants that with Mickey. </p><p>Which is why it is so incredibly frustrating that every time Ian tries to draw a secret from him, Mickey just smirks and pulls his pants down. </p><p>So he devises a plan. </p><p>Ian thinks he’s so slick getting Mickey into a public place. But it’s not really working. Mickey only mummers in response to Ian’s questions or he makes sly comments about the people around him.  It’s just a constant string of “That guy is totally paying her to fuck him, that girl needs money from her dad.” Ian could not give one flying fuck about anyone around him. </p><p>“You talk a big game about everyone but yourself.” He commented. </p><p>“What’s that?” </p><p>“Can you stop talking about other people? I don’t care.” </p><p>“Well you should try it. It’s entertaining as fuck.” </p><p>Mickey keeps looking over his shoulder conspicuously. Maybe that wouldn’t be so damn annoying if Ian knew why he was doing it. </p><p>Ian just ignores Mickey’s comment, he remembers the original purpose of this outing.  “Come on, what did you think of the movie?” </p><p>“Beats twilight.” Mickey muttered looking at the ground. They had just seen Captain America and they’re now walking around the mall. Ian enjoyed the movie despite Mickey’s obnoxious chewing right by his ear. </p><p>“Please, like you’ve seen twilight.” Ian says. It’s an assumption. An assumption based on nothing but Mickey’s demeanor. Because, annoyingly, he has no idea what Mickey likes. </p><p>“Fucking, Mandy forced me to watch it.” </p><p>Ian smirked, he doesn’t really believe it despite not really knowing, “I don’t believe you.” </p><p>“Well it’s fucking true.” </p><p>“Alright, Team Edward or Jacob?</p><p>Mickey looked at him begrudgingly, “Jacob.” </p><p>Ian smiled wide, it’s the wrong answer of course but at least he told him something. </p><p> </p><p>They had an actual fucking argument about it. They are sitting at the bus station and Mickey’s rolling his eyes while Ian explains that what Jacob did in Breaking Dawn was weird. But he’s so ingrained in the argument that he doesn’t care. Mickey shares his opinion on things, nothing important. Ian’s is able to draw out of him that he thinks Taylor Launer is hot. </p><p>It’s sitting at that bus stop that he sees his best friend. </p><p><b>Ian- I had a great time yesterday</b>. Ian texted Mickey after spending ten minutes deciding if that sounded like it was straight out of a romcom. </p><p>
  <b>Mickey- Me too. </b>
</p><p>Giddy. That’s what Ian felt.</p><p>
  <b>Ian- See u 2nite? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Mickey- I can’t. </b>
</p><p>He tried the next night and the night after that. Nothing. When he was with Mickey he felt like floating. Mickey made him laugh and that got him all flushed and nervous. Everything he thought a relationship would be. Except for the fact that he can only see him every so often in the shadows or while he’s on edge. He can’t go on dates or be sure he won’t be with anyone else. He hates it so much. </p><p>But when he hears that “hey” coming at him from across the dugouts, or when Mickey offers him his last cigarette, when he laughs because he’s said something stupid or when he scowls becuase Mandy’s calling him. Ian knows it's all worth it. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Spit on my grave, but kiss my mouth. </strong>
</p><p>The jury’s still out on how much Mexico sucked. Less than prison for sure. In Mexico, there were plenty of men, sun, hell access to enough drugs to put several horses into their graves. But there was inconsolable heartbreak in Mexico. More than in prison. He guesses that makes it worse. </p><p>It’s over now he tells himself putting one foot in front of the other. Sure he’s in prison but the heartbreak’s over. He tries not to think that Ian will reject him. Every night for the past two weeks he’s spent awake concerned that Ian wouldn’t want him anymore. That Ian got someone on the outside that he cares enough to wait for, unlike how he waited for him. He’s spent almost every second thinking about it since he’s found out that he would be seeing Ian again. </p><p>
  <em> He’s driven for about an hour. One more hour he tells himself. One more hour then he can get out. He needs to get as far as the way from the border as possible. In his mind distance helps. So he drives the extra hour, compartmentalizing, not thinking about what just happened. He’s just driving and Van Morrison is playing on the radio. Eventually the sun starts to shine directly in his eyes, and he decides that this little town would be a good place to stop. There’s a bar, it's a little shack but it’s looking out over some beach. He parks the car and gets out. The beach is nice.  From what he can see the town is kinda a shithole. Not very touristy so the beach is barely touched.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He walks half- way across the beach and finds a spot to fall down on. The weight of what just happened finally falls upon him.  He wants to cry but there’s a kid. She’s running around carrying a bucket of water from the ocean to her sand castle. By the sand castle there seem to be her parents lounging on a towel. Their arms are wrapped around each other, sharing a beer. There, it all comes crashing down. Mickey doesn’t care about present company. That should have been him. That should have been Ian. He tells himself not to cry, not in public. He tells himself he’s better than this but the tears come anyway. His whole world just disappeared right in front of him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Suddenly, there’s something cold knocking his shoulder, causing him to flinch. But it’s just a beer, fresh from the cooler with water droplets falling off it. There’s a man holding it out to him raising his eyebrows challenging him to take it. When Mickey does the man crouches down to meet Mickey at face level. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why are you crying?" The strange man asks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who are you?" Mickey's scared. He doesn't know what he wants. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man ignores him, "I haven't seen you around. You don't look like you are from here." Mickey just looks down at his hands, this isn't what he needs right now. The man goes on, "You need a place to stay?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now that Mickey thinks about it, he did need a place to stay. He doesn't really know what he's doing. He nods nimbly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mickey found himself a job in a cartel. The man says Mickey can sleep in his apartment while he finds his own place. It’s worse than the dump he grew up in.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mickey didn’t really want to get back involved in this whole drug cartel business but he doesn’t really see any other options right now.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I hate you Ian Gallagher.” He mumbles before going to bed.  </em>
</p><p>Of course he never hated Ian. He was just lonely and longing to be in a certain pair of arms. Now, pressed into the mattress with Ian above him, he knows undoubtedly that he never hated Ian. Right now he didn’t feel pain or longing. He’s home. So why is there a tugging in his heart? </p><p>***</p><p>He hates the daytime more than anything. Ian has to go to the infirmary and Mickey will go do laundry or go workout. When they are separated  Mickey’s skin itches. He just wants to go back. He wants to smell Ian, see him laugh, make sure he’s okay. But also he wants to make sure that he’s still here, even though he knows that’s silly. They’re in prison after all.  </p><p>
  <em> “You are quiet” The man laying next to him said as Mickey lit a cigarette. Mickey didn’t share it with him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The fucks that got to do with you? why are you still here?"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s not normal for me, to not know anything about the man I am sleeping with.” He said with a beaming smile. Mickey hates him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mickey is annoyed. He had big plans of drinking, watching the sunset, and trying not to think about what could have been. “Okay, and it’s not normal for the men I am sleeping with to stick around so consider yourself special.”  Mickey knows it’s mean but it’s how he feels. Any interaction that’s not with Ian will soon become a futile memory.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The man doesn’t say anything just scoffs, gets up and leaves. Suddenly, Mickey is lonely, very lonely. He wants him to come back. He doesn’t want him, he wants the redhead but something is better than nothing.  </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Ian gets parole before he does and he doesn’t even know how to react. He thinks he can’t go through it again. He can’t. But then Ian is sulking and he can’t see that either. He knows what he has to do and he’s more than willing to do it. That night he pulls Ian  close as he cries. It’s funny, the man who makes him cry is the only one who can stop him from crying.  </p><p>Every time the guard says that he has a visitor, he feels better. Ian’s eyes are shining talking about his nephew, and Mickey wants to kill that PO. But, it’s all worth it because every Saturday he gets to see Ian happy in a way that he never was in prison. His trust in Ian is restored each time he comes back every week. </p><p>But sometimes it's not enough. Nothing feels safe anymore, not the showers, not working outside, not even his own bed.  He feels so angry when an inmate so much as looks at him wrong. Everything reminds him of Ian. He feels wrong eating his jello, he always gave it to Ian. When the lights go off there's a momentary excitement because that’s when Ian would slide into his bed. </p><p>He can’t take it anymore, he’s gonna escape, he's gonna see him. </p><p>When Ian sees him he smiles and Mickey feels more okay. After kissing him breathless, Ian asks what he’s doing here so early and Mickey and for some reason hates that question. Why isn’t he just happy to see him? </p><p>Mickey never wants to be separated from Ian again. He won’t be, he tells himself. He tries not to think of how terrible he felt all alone as Ian walks out the door every morning. </p><p>It will get better, he tells himself. For now he’s here and that’s all that matters. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Surely my sins have found me out. </b>
</p><p>It was his idea, “let’s just go out.” He had suggested it when Mickey burst through the door, utterly tired from his day at work. They had been  working their asses of lately. Mickey wanted to watch Netflix, but persuaded by Ian’s charming smile, he finds himself in a tacky gay bar. Ian’s smirking at him because Mickey refuses to get up and dance, defeating the purpose of their outing. </p><p>“I’m fine right here, ginger.” He says gesturing to his seat at the bar. </p><p>“I’m going to dance with every man in here until you have no other option but to dance with me  Mr. Grumpy Pants” While he says it in a light-hearted manner, you could see how it could be misinterpreted. </p><p>“I’ve seen you dance with other people before, never bothered me.” Mickey says taking a sip out of his beer, his expression changing from light to solemn. </p><p>“I distinctly remember you threatening a guy.” Ian retorts chucking. Mickey just smirked, returning to his expression of content. But he remained comfortably in his seat. </p><p>Ian gets up smirking at him. Ian easily navigates the dance floor. He doesn’t really dance with people. He will entertain them for maybe thirty seconds before finding Mickey’s eyes to see if his position on dancing has changed. If you had been there you would have thought his ass was glued to the bar stool. </p><p>Ian only had one beer but he’s on his meds so it’s really starting to getting to him. So he doesn’t immediately catch the sly grin of the man talking to Mickey. He doesn’t immediately notice that Mickey is listening intently. He just keeps dancing but then he looks again. And there is a hand on his husband's leg that Mickey’s not shoving off. </p><p>There are many men around him dancing, but Ian’s not dancing. All the movement has left his body. Some of them are coming to close, its suffocating. </p><p>He wants to go up there. What a hypocrite he would be if he did. He literally just baited Mickey by talking about dancing with other men. Ian had never felt this jealous before. There was that thing with Byron, but the whole thing was so ridiculous that he never took it too seriously. But it is true that Byron was the first time he realized that there could be someone else for Mickey. He couldn’t stand that fact so much, that he got married, something he never thought he would do. And then there was the excitement of an engagement and a wedding that he was able to forget about it. But here is Mickey smiling at a stranger, something he never does. The stranger is getting closer and Mickey is not backing off. Ian feels threatened. Mickey seems to like this person. He’s buff and tan and he’s seemingly very funny. When the man nods towards the dance floor Mickey refuses. At least there was this one thing. </p><p>The Uber ride home is extremely quiet, Ian spends most of it looking out the window in quiet thought. When Mickey mouths “You okay?” Ian nods quietly. Nine years ago he was so sure that Mickey would always be there he never once doubted that. Now he knows he took that thought for granted. </p><p>Even when they get home, the silence remains. “You sure you’re okay.” Mickey asks again. </p><p>“I’m fine.” But then he escapes towards the bathroom to get ready for bed. He stays silent as he crawls back in bed with Mickey, the alcohol seemingly left his system. He lies flat on his back, staring at the ceiling wondering if he should even bring it up at all. </p><p>“Who was the man at the bar?” Ian says in a nonchalant way, picking at his nails nervously. </p><p>“Mhm?” Mickey said, he's ingrained in whatever he's looking at on his phone. </p><p>“The man at the bar. He was telling jokes or something, who was he?” </p><p>“Oh just a guy.”  Mickey waves off dismissively. He smiles at whatever’s on his phone. That didn’t make Ian feel better. </p><p>“You seemed to like him.” He continues, even though Mickey made it clear that he doesn’t have much interest in this conversation. </p><p>“Ian,” Mickey chimes in a sing-song voice after putting his phone down. “Are you jealous?” </p><p>“I wouldn’t say jealous more like curious.” </p><p>Mickey rolls his eyes then proceeds, “He’s a guy who’s leaving the security job he has. Better pay than I have now. He thought that I might be interested.” </p><p>“Oh, that’s nice of him.” Ian comments, with the picture of the lack of distance between them still playing in his mind. “Don’t know why he had to be that close, but nice.” He lets out, the pettiness in his voice evident. </p><p>Mickey chuckles, “So you are jealous.” Ian scowls. “Ian, you know you don’t have anything to worry about right?” </p><p>“I don’t know, maybe this guy wouldn’t have left you at a border, or leave you in prison or-” </p><p>“- oh my god, you are not still hung up about that!” </p><p>“We never talk about it Mickey! We have to admit that it happened.” </p><p>“I did shit to you, Gallagher don’t act like this is all on you.” </p><p>“You’ve never dated anyone else, maybe that guy is better for you than I am!” Ian says, completely ignoring Mickey, letting his insecurities come to the surface. </p><p>“You don’t know shit about who I’ve dated!” Mickey exclaims. He takes a deep breath before continuing,  “Ian, I have loved you since I was 16, I have been with other people and the whole time I could only think of you. If you don’t know how much I love you then you're a bigger idiot than all my brothers combined!” He looks directly into Ian’s eyes as he speaks. </p><p>Ian still isn’t convinced, all he can hear is his head telling him “<em> You’re not good enough.” </em>“Maybe we should take a break” he continues. </p><p>“That is the last thing I want.” There is a pleading look in Mickey’s eyes that Ian gives in to and nods. </p><p>“I want what's best for you” Ian mumbles quietly. </p><p>“I can look after myself, thanks.” </p><p>Ian then mumbles his agreement.</p><p>After a moment of silence has passed Ian piped up in a curious tone, “Who else have you dated?” </p><p>“This guy in Mexico. It was a rebound Ian, let’s go to sleep we have work tomorrow” </p><p>Ian knows logically that everything that Mickey has said is correct, but he still can’t shake the feeling that he’s fucked up so bad that he doesn’t deserve Mickey again. Mickey needs to get out  of there. But Mickey’s wrapping himself around him and Ian thinks that there’s nothing worth giving this up. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Come walk with me, I don't play those games (anymore.)</b>
</p><p>Mickey’s shaking. It’s enough to wake him up considering the closeness of their bodies. Ian slides his arm out from under Mickey, rubs his groggy eyes rolls over and looks at his phone that’s shoved under his pillow. It’s three in the morning. He looks over, next to him, and it looks like a nightmare. While Carl was watching Bates Motel only several hours beforehand, Ian highly doubts that’s what’s troubling him. Ian has absolutely no idea, it has been a great day. They came home from work, cooked dinner for everyone, had copious amounts of sex and then went to bed.  </p><p>“Mickey.” He runs his hands soothingly down his back. “Wake up.” He calls in a hushed tone. Mickey does not respond instead Ian can see tears rolling down his cheek.  </p><p>“Mickey.” He responds with more urgency, he’s seriously concerned that he’s going to choke in his own tears. </p><p>Then Mickey jumps like he’s being attacked, once he sees that it’s Ian he relaxes then rubs his eyes taking in what’s going on around him, trying, but failing to hold back his tears. </p><p>“You okay?” Ian asks, noticing Mickey’s initial reaction to being woken up. </p><p>Mickey just nods, so Ian says “Bad dream?” No response just worry. “You were just shaking in your sleep.” Ian comments hoping to get something out of him, not willing to let this go. </p><p>“I’m fine Ian go to bed.” He managed to choke out through sobs. </p><p>“Mickey, I can’t just go to sleep. Something’s clearly wrong.” He says coming to wrap his arms around his husband. "Can you at least sit up?</p><p>Just like that Mickey’s tears increased twice fold. But he sat up and buried his face in Ian’s chest. </p><p>“You can talk to me. It’s ok” Ian says. There's nothing but the sound of crying. </p><p>“Please talk to me”  Ian feels helpless, knowing there are a thousand things that could be bothering him and he has no idea what to say. </p><p>He continues to whisper “It'll be okay” into his temple. Soothing actions didn’t seem to sooth however.  Ian just continues to repeat himself none the less.  </p><p>“I can get you water?” </p><p>Mickey shakes his head. “I don’t want you to go.”</p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“You don’t have to talk about it.” Ian finally decides </p><p>Not wanting to keep sitting there like a helpless puppy Ian suggests the first thing that comes to mind. “Do you just want to go for a walk or something?” </p><p>Mickey nods sheepishly. That’s something Ian thinks. They dress into warm clothes in silence and an air of discomfort fills the room. As Mickey focuses on putting on his clothes, the crying seems to tamper down. Ian just looks at him carefully, trying to read him. He's a blank page. </p><p>They stay silent as they walk down the block. Mickey’s counting cracks in the sidewalks. Ian’s still watching him carefully. </p><p>Eventually Ian knocks Mickey on the shoulder, wanting more than silence. “What are you thinking over there?”</p><p>“You said I didn’t have to talk about it,” Ian nods not wanting to push. The walk seemed to be helping because Mickey stopped crying. </p><p>“Tomatoes are back in season.” Ian comments nonchalantly. Sure it came out of no where but he was trying to lighten the mood, and he didn’t know what else to say. Plus he saw a little garden in someone's window. </p><p>“The fuck did you just say, Gallagher?” </p><p>“You like tomatoes.” He defends. </p><p>“I guess I do.” He looks at Ian. “Maybe we can make sauce.” </p><p>“Maybe.” </p><p>The conversation tapers of but the energy has shifted. Kind of like they saw the light of the end of the tunnel as long as they stayed together.</p><p> Ian smiles as they walk past what used to be the Kash and Grab.  Mickey sees Ian smile and smiles too. But only for a quick moment. They were still in the tunnel. </p><p>Ian hates this. He wants it to stop, he wants to go to bed. He wants to wake up to Mickey’s smile and him patronizingly asking him if he took his meds yet. He wants to go downstairs and see Mickey’s brow furrowed at some dumb ass shit Lip texted him. It’s been a long road, but it’s been worth it </p><p>He remembers how much he needed Mickey, when he came back from the hosptial. Like he had an itch and only Mickey could scratch it. How ending that phone call without talking to him was like a knife stabbed dead in his heart. That was easily pulled out and stitched back up as soon as Mickey entered his doorway. Because Mickey was there, he knew he would be okay. Mickey who was looking at him like Ian had hung all the stars and the moon. </p><p>He remembers how Mickey would repeatedly dig his warm hands into his jacket all the way to the border. Strong fingers with an even stronger grip. Like he was holding on to something.  Bury his hands in his jacket and then pull himself closer like Ian was a magnet. Ian knows exactly what he was holding onto. </p><p>How he would bury his head into his chest in prison when the lights went out and they finally got to be together. Drawn together for  fear of being torn apart.  Like he was waiting for Ian to pull the knife out of his heart. Or maybe like he already did but it was never stitched back together. </p><p>He remembers his eyes all glossy and blue. Those eyes looking at him in their cramped twin bed after coming home from the hosptial. Glossy eyes that looked at him, while fingers digged into his jacket. Eye’s peering up at him from his chest in the darkness of a prison cell. </p><p>He’s got those eyes right now, sneaking glances at Ian. Looking into them Ian thinks he’ll give him anything he wants. Mickey pulled the knife out of his heart  and now he was gonna return the favor. </p><p>“I love you” Ian says out of nowhere and Mickey smiles. Exactly what Ian wanted. He grabs Mickey’s hand and Mickey doesn’t flinch despite the fact that they are in public. </p><p>“Just a bad dream” Mickey finally says. </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“If you didn’t wake me up it would have ended with Sammi in the ground.” </p><p>“Yeah yeah” Ian shoots back, not believing that there was any sort of happy ending to whatever caused Mickey such discomfort. </p><p>Ian starts to sing some Top 40 songs and Mickey hums along. They smile at each other, some quite understanding there between them. </p><p>“Do you feel better now?” Mickey nodes yes but they still walk around the block a couple times. They come home around five, shed their outside clothes and climb into bed silently. Mickey immediately falls asleep but Ian was pretty awake from the walk. </p><p>Looking at Mickey’s sleeping face he decides, yes, I will give you anything you want.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Surely we'll live to see the day, when all of our problems, they fade away.</b>
</p><p><b>“</b>Who the fuck was the last person to go grocery shopping?” Mickey yells standing in front of an open fridge. </p><p>“Mickey language!” Debbie shouts back at the same time Ian says “It was me.” </p><p>“Sorry” Mickey nods in Franny’s direction but he glares at his husband, frying an egg at the stove. “When? We’re out of milk and orange juice. No god damn breakfast” He shuts the refrigerator door and opens his phone to look at where he can buy breakfast. “I'm gonna be late” Mickey mumbles to himself but Ian hears. </p><p>“You can have some of my eggs Mickey” He says in an annoyed tone. Mickey just flips him off </p><p>“I want some fucking cereal. Eggs without orange juice is crap.” But he sits down at the table and gobbles down the eggs and is ready to start the day. </p><p> </p><p>His co-worker is talking his ear of about all things Mickey physically couldn't care less about. He thanks god he spots a shoplifter out of the corner of his eye. He gets out of the conversation and he normally gets a free beverage out of this. </p><p>“You know Cindy, as much as I would love to continue our conversations, business is calling.” He states in a fake sweet tone and with that he is tackling someone down two stores over. </p><p>“Now you owe me an Orange Julius.” While the shoplifter put up a fight kicking and screaming, he still enjoyed it. </p><p>
  <b>Ian- Gonna have to miss lunch today. Sorry. I’ll see you tonight. </b>
</p><p>Mickey looks at the text while drinking the Julius, and can’t help but feel disappointed. But he understands Ian's bosses like him, and if he puts in the hours he’s on track for a promotion. Which could mean good things for both of them. So he just sips quietly enjoying a sort of air of content. If he gets that promotion that’s more time off and more salary. Maybe they could go on a trip. He guesses it’s important work too, saving lives and such. </p><p>He finishes his shift doing whatever possible to avoid Cindy. He makes a mental list of all the annoying things about her to tell Ian. Ian likes to hear about his work for some reason.There were  no other shoplifters and he was able to spend most of his shift playing a some games on his phone.</p><p>He’s riding home on the bus, the “80’s jam” playlist blaring in his headphones. While the view is not the prettiest, Mickey still finds his eyes glued to the window. That is of course until he hears a notification on his phone that draws his attention away. </p><p>
  <b>Ian- Can you go grocery shopping tonight? There was a huge accident. I have a ton of paperwork!! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Mickey- Yeah I’ll do it. Can’t trust your ass to the grocery shop anyway. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Ian- Love you ❤️ </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Mickey - Yeah yeah </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Mickey - Love u 2 I guess </b>
</p><p>So he stops a couple bus stops earlier and heads to the store. </p><p> </p><p>The minute he opens the door, Debbie rushes to him. “Did you get the applesauce?” She asks in a hurried tone. </p><p>“What happened to hi, hello, how are you?” </p><p>Debbie rolls her eyes and grunts. “Hi how are you? Franny’s hungry come on.” </p><p>“Yeah I got the applesauce” He hands her the bag that contains the sauce and watches her rush into the kitchen. Carl then approaches him, and before he even has the opportunity to speak Mickey starts, “Yeah I got your slim jims,” he takes out the slim jims out of the bag and hands them to Carl and then shouts “Liam fruit snacks!” </p><p>“Okay Mom” Carl comments to which he receives a middle finger in response. </p><p>Once all the Gallagher snacks are delegated, he walks into the kitchen and puts away the groceries and watches Debbie feed Franny. He finds himself watching for no particular reason. Maybe because Franny has had a lacking appetite recently and he’s glad she’s finally eating. </p><p>Carl invites him to play Call of Duty, and he sits his ass down and forgets all about the world around him. It’s just him and Carl and some fake guns. He kicks Carl’s ass, and then they joke like brothers. Well not like brothers, they are brothers. </p><p>Ian comes home eventually, distracting him from the game. As they can hear him coming up the steps  Carl says “You are not gonna pause this game just so you can kiss him” But as soon as Ian has crossed the threshold the game is paused and kisses are given. </p><p>Sitting back down on the couch Mickey just says “You’ll understand soon enough” </p><p>Ian makes spaghettios for dinner and they all sit around the dinner table to eat to discuss Mickey’s annoying co-worker, Carl’s potential hookup, Franny’s day in preschool, Liam’s test that he aced, and an assortment of other things. </p><p>Eventually, Mickey goes to the back porch and lights up a cigarette. </p><p>“You really should quit,” Ian says, announcing his presence sitting on the porch behind him. </p><p>“Oh yeah because you’re so perfect” He retaliates, Ian chuckles and sips his beer. </p><p>“Good day at work?” he asks </p><p>“Busy but good.” Ian comments, “You?” </p><p>“Fucking Cindy.” </p><p>Ian chuckles. He then pauses for a moment before continuing “My co-workers invited me out tomorrow, Wanna come?” </p><p>Without any hesitation Mickey says “No you go” Because if he’s being honest he’d rather spend the time with Carl, Debbie, or Liam. </p><p>Ian looks surprised. “Are you sure” </p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>They finish their beer and cigarette as the sun sets and then they go back inside. They get scolded by Debbie because they are too loud and Franny’s asleep. They hear Carl send something inconspicuous to a girl.</p><p>Yes, he really is okay.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Only (three) things in this life that I'm sure of. That I'm sure of. </b>
</p><p>Panic. </p><p>
  <em> She apologized and just moved on! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don’t ever be ashamed for who you are. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then get in the fucking car.  </em>
</p><p>Yes panic, Monica’s dead. Monica’s dead and he’s grasping for something. He’s gasping for Mickey but he’s not there. He digs his fist into the sheets next to him but no one there. He can’t make out the room around him. It feels like he can’t breathe. He grabs his phone. But then he remembers that Mickey doesn’t have a phone with him. No they discussed this, Ian fucking argreed to it. He left. He's by himself. </p><p>“Calm down Ian just calm down” He tells himself. He breathes slowly and counts to ten. It's better. He lies back down. He can go to sleep. But he jolts back up. “Mickey” He calls out.  Nobody answers. </p><p>
  <em> “I love you.” He says with such sincerity that Ian caves.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay. I love you too” They start walk up the porch together, but Sammy gets to him anyway. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> " </em> <em> Mickey’s home from prison today, he got out!”  </em></p><p> </p><p><em> “Mickey, Monica just died” Mickey immediately knows what to do. He asks him if he’s ok and he sits with him for hours. He listens to Ian talk about her. He brings Ian breakfast in bed repeatedly, He checks his meds. He’s <strong>t</strong> </em> <em> <strong>here.</strong>  </em></p><p>Ian’s eyes jolt awake, no that is not life. Life can not be like that. </p><p>**** </p><p>They have to be in different bunks. Ian guesses it’s not the biggest deal in the world, they are still closer than  they were a month ago. Ian’s reading a book <em> The Great Gatsby.  </em>He’s already read it but it was the only book available that was remotely interesting. He assumes that Mickey’s asleep but he hears. “I haven’t seen you take anything.” </p><p>“Huh?” Ian asks, confused. </p><p>“Like pills or anything I haven’t seen you take anything. You’re ok right?” It’s the first time any mention of Ian’s bi-polar disorder has been mentioned since Mickey got to prison. He might have been asking if he was manic and this whole pretext of their prison relationship was a lie. Or he just wanted to know. </p><p>Either way Ian swallowed his pride, “they give it to me when I start my work shift. Just a convenience thing since I’m already at the infirmary” </p><p>Mickey nods. He asks the same question every month. </p><p>Ian can see a paper, on top of his pile of drawings, containing notes about each of the things he’s taking and the side effects. It’s not in his handwriting .When asked about it years later Mickey reveals that he asked Sandy to write it down for him. </p><p>When they come home from Prison, Mickey slyly checks the medicine cabinet. Some things have changed from his time in prison. He guesses it’s a supplier thing. But Ian catches him googling it and smiles. </p><p>“I’m fine, really don’t worry about me.” Mickey doesn’t respond. “Really don’t worry about me.” </p><p>But Mickey worries nonetheless. </p><p>*** </p><p>They are old now, not old old but you could say middle aged. They’ve moved past petty fights and youthful indiscretions. They have a routine now. They have taken care of the occasional foster kid. Life’s been treating them well. </p><p>But Mickey yelled at Ian’s doctor for prescribing him the wrong dose and Ian had to drag him out of there kicking and screaming. </p><p>***</p><p>Mickey’s a math teacher now, he loves his students. Plus he gets to spend a lot of time at home. </p><p>When Ian didn’t get the promotion he wanted Mickey kept a strongly worded letter in his drawer. Which he would have sent if Ian didn’t make him promise to keep it to himself. </p><p>Ian’s still an EMT. They are both public servants so their salary is less than ideal but they make do. </p><p>Ian’s meds are thrown off balance, nobody’s fault. But Mickey calls in the substitute teacher, Josh so he can take care of Ian. In one hand he’s texting him detailed lesson plans and in the other he’s spoon feeding his husband. Commitment to both is there. But he leaves Josh in crisis because Ian refuses to eat. He would quit his job before he leaves Ian. </p><p>He loves his job. </p><p>****</p><p>It’s Carl’s wedding and Mickey is pacing nervously. He hates the girl. Absolutely hates her. But he can’t voice this opinion now. He knows that he’s making the wrong choice and is gonna pay for the rest of his life. </p><p>Ian comes up to him and before he can even speak Mickey begins “He shouldn’t do this unless he’s sure.” </p><p>“Nobody’s ever sure.” </p><p>Mickey resents that statement. </p><p>“Ian, marrying you was the one thing I was ever sure of.” </p><p>Ian wishes he could say the same. He doesn’t regret it in any capacity. The doubt that was once there no longer exists but it did at some point. </p><p>“Not death and taxes.” Ian jokes to lighten the mood and change the subject.</p><p>****</p><p>
  <em> Marrying you was the one thing I was ever sure of. </em>
</p><p>Despite the amount of time that has passed since those words were said, Ian can’t stop thinking about them. He wonders what he is sure about because he doesn’t really know. </p><p>He is still not sure about marriage. It hasn't been bad in the slightest, but what if Ian does something outside of his control, like to do with money. Then Mickey’s stuck dealing with that. He can’t get out. </p><p>He has to remind himself that those thoughts are silly because here is what he does know. He’s sure that Mickey was there for him like no one else was. He’s sure that seeing Mickey smile makes his day instantly better. He’s sure that Mickey will do anything for him. Mickey will never want out, he has to remind himself. </p><p>Now he knows marriage was a good idea, but he doesn’t feel it in his bones. </p><p>He feels <em> Mickey </em>in his bones. The only man who gets him, who knows him. Who will love him with the force of a thousand armies. He’s a thousand percent sure of that, that it moves with him in everything that he does. He’s so sure. </p><p>Well he’s so sure of that, death and taxes.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
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</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I would just like to say that nobody is to blame for any of their breakups. I do feel like Mickey is scared of abandonment because he was so eager to get married. I also feel Ian is also very insecure about himself because he was hesitant to get married. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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